Orifice Manager

This week has been and will continue to be a good week for me at work. The reasons are many but basically it boils down to me taking Friday off, and, most importantly, my office manager’s battle with a rhinovirus.

I work in the office with just him, so when he’s not here I have free reign of the territory. Don’t get me wrong, I like having my boss around. He’s a good guy and we get along, but sometimes it’s nice to have the place to yourself. Its pretty cool for me as I get to keep the thermostat where I want, can get up and walk around, crank my music up, dance, pee in the corner, throw things, catch things, and host elegant tea-parties and act the part of a proper gentleman. But what gets to me is that he’s still sick and came into the office today.

My immune system is pretty awesome. It’s like the pirates ninjas of immune systems. I’m talkin’ throwing stars, nunchucks, katanas coming at any sort of foreign threat. My lymph-nodes are to viruses what talent is to Damon Wayans. But the long and short of it is, don’t come to the freakin’ office if you still sound like you’ve crammed a sock in your nose and your orificium are still leaking more fluid than…a…a…something that leaks a lot of fluid.

If you’re one of those peoples who would rather go to work and be sick then use a sick day, remember: You’re not staying home for you, you’re staying home for the delight of your co-workers.