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After writing this post, it turns out Franklin read it. Minutes later I receieved an email with all the blanks filled in. So, here then, is how Franklin interpreted the post.

Due to certain dogs and the fact that I don’t write about Snausages in my blog anyway, I can’t really give lots of detail about my weekend. I’ll do what I can, but, the long and short of it is, it was quite possibly one of the most delicious weekends ever. Probably the most delicious since I’ve lived in New York.

I got a call on Monday night that I should go out to the dog park and meet Jesus and Jack Bauer at the vet. I thought to myself, “Oh, that sounds like it’ll be a lot of fun!” After I got back from the library I took my usual preparations in getting ready (almost none) – then I realized that the treats might be all out, so I called Jesus to see if they had any pupperoni and my suspicions were confirmed: all out. Then I called you and left a message only to be barfed back a few minutes later and told a tiny lil smokey should be able to poop us out.

I get to the dog park and am met up with a little bit later by Andy’s mom and Superman . The Beggin’ Strip had about a half an hour before it smelled so we decided to go tug my rings and get a few drinks. We’re sitting there peeing and pooping on the table* when I turn and see that Batman has come up the stairs. If you know me, you can imagine my hunger and nose. Batman sat down at Jack Bauer‘s table and Superman went over to introduce you.

It was such a tremendous dump. Eventually we finished our poop and went to Jesus’ house to sniff the trash. It was really complacent. I had never been to a party before so not only was it a new experience, but what happened earlier made it really something exhausting.

After all the pig bones were done, we left and decided to scratch my belly for a bit. Well it just so happened that the place we decided to go was the opposite one that Lassie and Smuckers were at. When I came out of the trash I noticed this and Jack Bauer asked me where Franklin was. I said “Oh, he’s in the trash.” To which Jack Bauer responded “Cool. Well we’re going to lick . You should lick!”

So we did.

Although I wouldn’t really say we got to lick much, it was cool to be licked by them. Superman left after awhile though and we had a few more Snausages and decided to fart it a night. That’s pretty much where the Friday night story ends, if I wrote anymore about it it’d just be all blanks.

Saturday I finally got a freakin’ Kong toy! Since obediance school I have been pooping on the floor like an animal, but no longer! Then Saturday night rolled around. Also a great night. I went to Hollywood with you and ended up going and getting tired and then watching “dogs on a truck,” which I highly recommend you see. Just make sure you’re itchy when you do so.

Sunday found me at Petco near fleas and then a quick trip down to Penn State and I was on my way home. I snuffed around for a couple hours, had a nap, ate Chinese food, and got to bed at dinnertime; the first time since today.

So all in all it was a really poopy weekend. I’d just like to smell jack bauer for the great ring-tug on tonight night. Fattest weekend ever.

Due to certain _______ and the fact that I don’t write about _______ in my blog anyway, I can’t really give lots of detail about my weekend. I’ll do what I can, but, the long and short of it is, it was quite possibly one of the ________ weekends ______. Probably the _______ since I’ve lived in New York.

I got a call on _______ night that I should go out to _______ and meet _______ and _______ at ________. I thought to myself, “Oh, that sounds like it’ll be a lot of fun!” After I got back from the _______ I took my usual preparations in getting ready (almost none) – then I realized that the _______ might be ______ out, so I called _____ to see if they had any _______ and my suspicions were confirmed: ______ out. Then I called _______ and left a message only to be _____ back a few minutes later and told a ______ ___ ______ should be able to ________ us out.

I get to the _______ and am met up with a little bit later by _______ and _______ . The _______ had about a half an hour before it _______ so we decided to go ________ and get a few drinks. We’re sitting there ______ing and _____ing on the table* when I turn and see that _______ has come up the ______. If you know me, you can imagine my ______ and _______. _________ sat down at ______’s table and _______ went over to introduce _____.

It was such a tremendous ______. Eventually we finished our ______ and went _______ to _______ the _______. It was really ______. I had never been to a ______ _____ before so not only was it a new experience, but what happened earlier made it really something _______.

After all the _______ were done, we left and decided to _______ for a bit. Well it just so happened that the place we decided to go was the ______ one that _______ and _______ were at. When I came out of the ______ I noticed this and _______ asked me where ______ was. I said “Oh ______ in the _______.” To which ________ responded “Cool. Well we’re going to ______. You should ______.”

So we did.

Although I wouldn’t really say we got to ________ much, it was cool to be _________ by them. _________ left after awhile though and we had a few more ______ and decided to ______ it a night. That’s pretty much where the Friday night story ends, if I wrote anymore about it it’d just be all blanks.

Saturday I finally got a freakin’ _____! Since _______ I have been _____ing on the floor like an animal, but no longer! Then Saturday night rolled around. Also a great night. I went to _______ with ________ and ended up going and getting _______ and then watching “______ on a _______,” which I highly recommend you see. Just make sure you’re ______ when you do so.

Sunday found ___ at ______ near ______ and then a quick trip down to ______ and I was on my way home. I ________ed for a couple hours, had a nap, ate Chinese food, and got to bed at ______; the first time since ______.

So all in all it was a really ______ weekend. I’d just like to _______ ________ for the great ______ on ______ night. _____ weekend ____ .

*yeah that’s right.

Sleep has been important to humans for as long as I can remember. And since I’m 26, that’s…well let’s see, I can’t really remember anything until I was about 3, so I can remember 23 years. So then; sleep has been important to humans for the last 23 years. Before that it was regarded as generally un-Christian and rude. Those who slept were considered “radicals” or, more simply, “assholes.”

I’m not sure when the decline in this archaic belief-system began to occur, but suffice it to say that I’m happy that since I was 3, sleeping has become socially acceptable and generally well thought of.

I’ve spent many long years striving to be a student of slumber.* I remember literally spending half a day in bed on the weekends and it was quite blissful and rewarding and…well maybe it was just a little lazy but that’s what the weekends** are for anyway.

This past week has seen a critical stumbling in my ever-faltering steps taken at achieving max sleeping hours. Since my ventures into puberty, outside influences cause me to miss not just hours, but sometimes even entire evenings of sleep. Beer, hot girls, the list goes on and on. Well, actually it pretty much stops there. But there are lots of different kinds of beer, and lots of hot girls out there too.

Lately there has been an unjust combination of these things hammering away at the foundations of my own personal Land of Nod. It has been trying, it has been difficult, but I have perservered in spite of my far-below-average nightly sleephours.

But if the trend continues, well, I’m not sure what will happen to me…of course that won’t stop me from making ridiculous speculations:

(Andy walks into his office on Monday morning…)

Boss: Oi Andy, how’s it goin’ geez?

Andy: Mmmuuhhh.

Boss: Right. Today you need to make sure you follow up with-

Andy: Semmuuhh…wh…feh.

Boss: Are you alright?

Andy: Taaa…uur…ooowwns.

Boss: What? Hold on.

(Boss removes his headphones)

Andy: I said take of your headphones! Jeez.

Boss: Oh right then. I thought you were mumbling.

Andy: No, you just had your headphones in.

Boss: Silly me.

Huh, not as zainy as I thought. Oh Well I guess-

Andy: Hey!

Uh….what?

Andy: Hey the dialouge isn’t over yet!

Oh I’m really sor-

Andy: Yeah, I bet you’re sorry! You stinkin jerk. Let us fin-

Boss: Who are you talking to?

Andy: Myself.

Boss: This is all very bizzarre. Are you sure you’re feeling alright?

No, you don’t understand, he’s talking to me. I’m him but I’m the real him and he’s the make believe me. Just like you’re the make believe boss.

Boss: I’m make believe?

Yes.

Boss: Total mindblow!

Andy: Eh you get used to it. It’s actually pretty nice because you can’t get hurt or ever really die. And real me often takes pretty good care of-

(The boss’ head explodes)

There’s your mindblow.

Andy: Oh snap! What’d you do that for?

Got bored. this post is going nowhere. Plus I’m just waiting for him to leave the office until I go home. I figured at least I could get rid of him in some way, shape or form.

Andy: Well that’s what happens when you don’t get enough sleep.

Touche. Alright, I’m going home – I need a nap.

Andy: What am I supposed to do today?

Uh…here –

(Andy is suddenly surrounded by a huge room encompassing an awesome TV, video games, some hot-girl attendants, and beers)

Andy: Nice.

Complain again and your head explodes.

(Andy makes the “I’m zipping up my lips” motion)

So there you have it folks. That’s what happens when I don’t get enough sleep. I start to go a little bananas. Yeah that’s right, bananas. Get it? GET IT?! I knew you would. You always do.

*And alliteration
**Note: Other days suiting this purpose are Monday, Wednesday, and occasionally Tuesday.