Alright, I know, totally phoning these in, BUT, here’s something else you need to see. It’s pretty old and I’ve heard it a hundred times, but seeing him play it is unbelievable:
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Thanks YouTube!
Generally there is a lot of garbage on YouTube, and I think that’s great and it’s nice to laugh at stuff. But today I decided to do a search and came up with some COOL stuff. If you don’t know who Bill Evans is, you need to watch this more than anyone. If you do, watch the way he plays. Unbelievable.
The Devil’s Tote
I was walking to work this morning and it was standard post-subway work-walk stuff: Hot girls inevitably going into Starbucks and the pleasure of fresh, cool air (compared to the subway which I can only describe as like being in some horrible Trash Sauna).
As I finished crossing the street an old man steps in front of me and then walks past. Naturally I was surprised to find he was pulling along one of those wheely suitcases. I stop on a dime as he continues on his old-man way. Slightly outraged, I grumbled my way into Starbucks and dreamed up this little situation:
(Andy has just exited the subway on 32nd St and is just about to cross the street when, similarly to the old-man situation, a passerby with a wheely-bag interrupts his stride)
Andy: Jesus! Watch where you’re going!
Devil: Um, I’m the Devil.
Andy: I mean you couldn’t just wear a backpa- wait. What?
Devil: I’m the Devil. You called me Jesus.
Jesus: Yeah?
Andy: Heeere we go…
Devil: Oh, hi Jesus. What’s up?
Jesus: Oh you know. Another day another dollar. Lime Bars are selling today like they’re goin’ outta style! Shit yes!
Andy: Hey Jesus, would you mind telling the devil to stop using a damn wheely bag? It’s really annoying
Devil: No one cuts me a break these days.
Jesus: Dude, I was f-ing crucified by my own followers. At least your followers only kill barnyard animals. Why don’t you just buy a freakin’ backpack?
Devil: I can use whatever I want!
Andy: Those wheely bags are so stupid. They just get in everyone’s way, and the handles are to short anyway so you have to bend over to use them.
Devil: Well Jesus stands here selling his damn Lime Bars out of that big cart!
Andy: Yeah but, they’re delicious.
Jesus: Right on my man. Also I’m Jesus. No one gets mad at me. Watch this.
(Jesus slaps an old woman right in the face)
Old Woman: Praise the Heavens!
Jesus: See?
Devil: Ugh. I hate you Jesus.
Andy: Duh.
Jesus: Alright bitches. I gotsta peace out. Catch ya on the flip!
Devil: Wait! I’ll take a lime bar – Andy you want one?
Andy: Sure.
Devil: Two, two lime bars.
Jesus: 8 dollars please.
Devil: What a freakin’ gyp – here.
Jesus: Pleasure doing business, suckers! Alright, time to bounce.
Andy: (together with the Devil) Bye Jesus.
Unless you can turn water into wine, I highly suggest you go buy a backpack. Do you really want the delay of hundreds of commuters and the broken hips of thousands of befallen old people on your head? I didn’t think so.